Have you ever reached the end of
We have all had the experience of getting to a point when we realize WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH of something or someone! When it becomes clear that it is time for us to have a hard conversation with someone or take action.
It might be our partner, a parent, a co-worker or even our boss. We may be wanting to set a boundary, stand up for ourself, problem solve or just speak our truth. Whatever the situation and whether we need to have a conversation or take action, it goes best when it comes from a place of WANTING the other person to respond a certain way instead of NEEDING them to.
- When we think about the person or the situation and rehearse it in our minds (this is a REALLY good idea, click here for a post about rehearsal), and we imagine all the different ways things could go, we get a panicky, stressed out feeling when the other person doesn’t respond the way we want them to.
- This usually comes from a place where we are still looking to the other person to GIVE US PERMISSION to know what we know, and we are looking for their VALIDATION to let us hold onto our own power
- Since we are such a social species, we are hard-wired to want to BELONG. Because of this, anytime we feel not SEEN, not HEARD or like we don’t MATTER, we feel threatened. Those situations activate our fight/ flight system in the same way it is activated when we feel physically threatened. We usually experience this as feeling angry or frustrated, or at the very least we get agitated or ancy. This is nature’s way of giving us the energy and motivation to do whatever we need to do to get back on track so we can feel safe again. In this case, emotionally safe.
- All of this leads to us feeling unsafe when people in our tribe don’t share the same opinions or views as us, especially when it is something important to us.
- Because we are hard-wired to be social, and this is linked to our sense of SURVIVAL (whether we like it or not), it is normal to feel scared when we are going to say or do something that may get us rejected by some form of our tribe or people we spend with.
- This is when we rehearse or imagine how things could go and we know how we would LIKE things to go, but we still feel calm and confident, even when we imagine it not going that way
- When we get to this point, we are secure in being ABLE TO VALIDATE OURSELVES and although it would be nice to get that response from our tribe, if we don’t get it, it won’t make us question our experience or need to convince them that our experience is right or the truth. We don’t need them to agree with us.
- Imagine someone called us a duck. If we are clear that we are not a duck, we don’t have to convince them that we are not one. We would agree to disagree and carry on. We tend to get hooked by other people’s comments most when there is a part of us that wonders if it is true. Once we are clear about who we are and what we want to stand for in the face of our situation, the hooks loose their power.
So next time you get to the end of your rope, before you decide what you want to do, rehearse and FEEL your way through it until you get to WANTING a particular outcome instead of needing it.
- Writing letters to the people involved (that you won’t send)
- Journalling (just think of the situation and free write to see what comes up)
- Pretend to have a conversation with them (in your head or out loud- make sure you have some privacy for this option)
See you next week! We would love to hear from you and remember to RSVP to the community Potluck NEXT FRIDAY Aug.14.15 4-6 pm (go to our FB page by clicking on the icon above on the purple bar) or email us at info@InspiredLivingMedical.com. Check the FB page for potluck updates!