Have you ever noticed that what we remember about our past depends on our mood, our head space, our expectations, and the story we have about ourselves at that time (ie. whether we see ourselves as a victim, a survivor, an entrepreneur etc)? We have a selective recall bias that is impacted by all of the above factors. It is even influenced by who we are speaking with at the time and what we are talking about. This happens because each of those elements can prime our brain’s n

For example would you spend your last dollar on a lottery ticket if you had never won the lottery, nor even known anyone who has? Probably not. Similarly, if my experience is that in groups of people I get rejected and excluded, that is what I will expect when faced with a group of people. It makes sense. Our past experiences help us understand the world we live in and so we can feel safe. We like to think we can predict how things will go and make decisions accordingly. Let’

Bosses give us job descriptions in part so we know what is expected of us. Ideally, clear expectations guide our choices and actions. When we do what is expected of us, it reduces conflict and usually makes everyone happier. We get a pat on the back, the boss’s life is made easier and we get to feel like we are on the same page. How come we don’t do that as parents or in our close relationships? How come most parents don’t explicitly tell us what is expected so there are no m

Imagine you come home to a beautifully wrapped gift on your table. If it is your birthday, and you live with someone – you may feel excited If it is your birthday, but no one else had a key to your apartment – you may feel concerned If it is your anniversary –  you may be angry with yourself for forgetting Context shapes our expectations, and our expectations shape our emotions. I will let you in on a secret…the media lies to us. Even our own parents lie to us. And THEIR lies