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  • Writer's pictureRyan Wilson

Are we there yet?

 I don’t know about you, but when life difficulties show up, or as one of my patients termed it, the “two-by-four fairy” shows up, I want it to be done by Friday…last Friday!

When the two-by-four fairy visits, I am generally impatient and end up spending time focusing on the fact that I don’t want the reality I have been dealt and that it is not fair!

I can also freely share that when the people in my life suggest or invite me to “lean into” the feelings at that point, I outwardly smile, but internally I am saying “screw off” and giving myself very good reasons to basically stay stuck.

This goes on until I eventually become so

uncomfortable with my situation, as I feel weaker and weaker, that despite my excellent reasons to not do the work, I accept my circumstances and lean into the feelings about it. Then I inevitably get to feel better. It literally feels like opening up space in my body and head. I am told it is similar for the hundreds of patients I have had the privilege of working with.

I coach people how to do this for a living, I live it in my own life, coach my kids, friends and family to do this, yet I still go through this process. I still find myself asking “Are we there yet?”. So when do we get to be there? The magical place where life is calm, and once we have done the work, we are done and it is smooth sailing onwards.

We are never there! All the cheesy quotes  about “Life is about the journey not the destination” turn out to be true. I don’t help people be happy all the time, that isn’t normal and probably not even healthy, that just isn’t how the human condition works. The idea is for us to learn to LIVE and THRIVE, instead of survive and react, regardless of our current or past circumstances.

No matter who we are, life goes up and down  until the day we die. It

doesn’t matter if we are Jennifer Lopez, Bill Gates or the Queen of England. Many of us worry about the next valley showing up, and get so focused on the next valley, that we don’t allow ourselves to connect to the peaks, when the good things happen. If we don’t allow ourselves to connect to the good parts when they come, our valleys become much worse.

Our peaks are where we re-fuel. When we allow ourselves to refuel, and accept that there will be valleys, 

 the valleys are just blips instead of long, deep dips.

Life is about LIVING, and being COMFORTABLE in our own skin, no matter what thoughts, feelings, memories show up, or what external stressors arise- that is the end game!

Watch this 5 min video about the difference between kids and adults answering a single question about being comfortable with their bodies…

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