Pay It Forward
We often do all sorts of things to try get rid of that feeling or to distract ourselves from it – sleeping, texting, drinking, eating, worrying about things we can’t control, focusing on the past or future, sex, working too much, etc.
There are couple of simple things that can help us create certainty
I know that I know that I would be fierce to protect my children. I would fight a bear, lift a car, or run into a burning house. I would do anything to protect them. I know this right down to the core of who I am. It is a solid feeling, like there is nothing that can take that knowing away from me, and it really wouldn’t matter what anyone else would say, if they believed me or not, I wouldn’t even need to convince them, because I JUST KNOW. There is no uncertainty, no self doubt, no need to prove that I am right to others. It is a calm, confident feeling when I think about this.
Think about one of these things that you know that you know – now notice how that feels in your body, in your head. Notice that solid, confident feeling. Notice how any anxiety about other people’s judgments or thoughts disappear and stop mattering about this, that you somehow just have permission to do what you would need to do in that situation.
That feeling you are getting is you being at 5 Bars,
Anxiety and distress often comes from fighting what we know that we know, and this usually happens because there is some old learning that is telling us that it isn’t safe or ok for us to give ourselves permission to know what we know (ie. being angry or disappointed in a loved one, setting boundaries with family or people in positions of authority etc).
What it comes down to is looking a WORKABILITY– is holding onto those old messages helping or hurting me right now? If it is hurting me, am I willing to be FLEXIBLE and respond to this situation from the PRESENT, seeing if it really is dangerous to know what I know. Am I WILLING to follow what will make me feel STRONGER vs WEAKER if that is how I start to LIVE from that place of confidence, calmness and knowing, even when sometimes that certainty comes from knowing that the best thing to do at the moment is to be kind to ourselves and use our supports as we sit in the face of uncertainty that is outside of our control.
1. Find and surround yourself with other people who AMPLIFY your signal. No one can make us strong, they can only reflect back to us parts of ourselves we are ready and willing to see, but, surrounding ourselves with people who are SAFE, accepting, supportive and who call us on our unhealthy acting out and excuses can REMIND us and REFLECT to us, our own strong and healthy self.
2. Find the ways that you can AMPLIFY your own SIGNAL. This may be by ANCHORING (associating a time we felt strong and healthy ) to a place (i.e. nature, a meditation room), a smell, a taste, a particular type of music or an action we do (ie. running, playing guitar, for me it is dancing) or being around animals. For some it is through being creative (writing, painting etc). For others it is not about Anchoring, it is about BEING PRESENT with our strong and healthy self in that very moment, so mindfully drinking a glass of water or meditating and deliberately making room to allow the signal to grow can make a huge difference.
Whatever it is for you, get curious and
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Have a great week and remember to Pay It Forward!