The REAL Relationship Questionnaire
- Ryan Wilson
- Mar 8, 2014
- 3 min read
Life is about relationships.
We have a relationship, a way of interacting and an opinion about absolutely EVERYTHING that we interact with, not just people. The type of relationship we have with the big things in our lives SHAPE OUR LIVES.
So let’s do a Relationship Questionnaire.…all you have to do is fill in the blanks with the first things that come to mind
1. Things I say to myself most days are ….
2. When I make a mistake, I … (what do you say or do to yourself?)
3. When things don’t go as I expected (but it is not your fault, just out of your control), I … (what do you say or do to yourself?)
4. When I think about my body, the words and feelings that come to mind are…
5. When I think about the ways I spend most of my days, the words and feelings that come up are ….
Now let’s look at our answers.
1. Things I say to myself most days are ….
Are they nice, encouraging, gentle? Are they words we would use with a scared child or an animal? Or are they unkind, critical, harsh and insulting?
Whichever it is, do the things you say to yourself most days make you feel stronger or weaker? If weaker, is that a problem for you? What will happen or what might it cost you to keep doing this? What might you gain by changing it? What types of things do you want to be saying to yourself most days?
The majority of how we experience life does really come down to the dialogue we have in our heads with ourselves. It is important though, to REMEMBER that just because we may have had pasts we did not choose, and people who said or acted in unkind ways towards us, does not mean we have to keep CHOOSING to repeat those things in the present.
2. When I make a mistake, I … (what do you say or do to yourself?)
Are the words you use reassuring or encouraging? Or are they unkind, critical, harsh or insulting? Do you engage in kind and soothing behaviors (doing something that recharges you to help regain your strength (ie, exercise or visiting with friends) or do you punish your body by over-eating, drinking, or hurting yourself?
Whichever it is, does your current response to mistakes make you feel stronger or weaker? If weaker, is that a problem for you? What will happen or what might it cost you to keep doing this? What might you gain by changing it? What do you want your response to making mistakes to be? After all we are always learning and mistakes is part of learning. Some people even say an “expert” in a field is someone who has already made all the mistakes there are to be made around a particular topic. Since mistakes are inevitable, who do you want to be in the face of them?
3. When things don’t go as I expected (but it is not your fault, just out of your control), I … (what do you say or do to yourself?)
Are your words reassuring? Do you tell yourself you will figure it out?
Or do you go helpless and tell yourself all sorts of scary things about what MAY happen because things didn’t work out and feel sorry for yourself?
Whichever it is, does your current response to things being out of your control make you feel stronger or weaker? If weaker, is that a problem for you? What will happen or what might it cost you to keep doing this? What might you gain by changing it? What do you want your relationship to things being out of your control to be? It is after all a BIG part of life, so having a healthy approach to it seems like it would probably be helpful and could really change the tone of our life.
4. When I think about my body, the words and feelings that come to mind are…
Do I focus on the things that I don’t like and speak critically to myself about them? Or do I focus on the things I am grateful for and genuinely appreciate and enjoy about my body? Even if it is just our fingernails or the length of our hair.
Whichever it is, does your current relationship with your body make you feel stronger or weaker? If weaker, is that a problem for you? What will happen or what might it cost you to keep doing this? What might you gain by changing it? What kind of relationship do you want with your body? It is all we have really. Do you want to spend your life putting energy towards hating your body, critisizing it or focusing on the positives and taking steps towards keeping it healthy?
5. When I think about the ways I spend most of my days, the words and feelings that come up are ….
Whether it is about how we spend our days at work and after, or something else, are you left with a positive or negative feeling? Do words like productive, satisfied, meaningful, or love come to mind? Or are they words like hate, bored, mundane, stressful or pointless.
Whichever it is, does your current relationship with how you CHOOSE to spend your time make you feel stronger or weaker? If weaker, is that a problem for you? What will happen or what might it cost you to keep doing this? What might you gain by changing it? What kind of relationship do you want with how you spend your time? People often minimize the importance of time management, but the truth is, our time management determines if we get to live our values or not, if we get to create the life we want or just react to the life we get!
Now go and LIVE! Don’t settle for less. Create a life you
are passionate about and would fight to keep- Good Enough is no longer Good Enough!
As always, we would love to hear from you here, by email, or on twitter: @kryanwilson or @DrAdrianaWilson.
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