If it doesn’t suck, we don’t do it. – Navy Seal motto As you might remember in my last post… I’ve been struggling to mentally adjust to a new position I’ve taken. It’s a golden opportunity and I’m thrilled to be there. At the same time. I sometimes feel totally incompetent. It’s not that I’m not prepared either. I already have more training in the therapy approach I use than most people, and from world class trainers. It’s just that I had not yet used it with clients whose di

We don’t get to live a life where we are excited to get up in the morning unless we are willing to take some chances. So much of life is uncertain that if we play it safe, we end up feeling stuck in a rut and feeling generally unsatisfied. When you have 5 min, I recommend you take the , Risk Attitude Profiler test to see where you level of risk tends to be. There are a few things to remember about risk and mistakes: If we are going to LIVE, we have to be willing to SHOW UP an

For example would you spend your last dollar on a lottery ticket if you had never won the lottery, nor even known anyone who has? Probably not. Similarly, if my experience is that in groups of people I get rejected and excluded, that is what I will expect when faced with a group of people. It makes sense. Our past experiences help us understand the world we live in and so we can feel safe. We like to think we can predict how things will go and make decisions accordingly. Let’

Bosses give us job descriptions in part so we know what is expected of us. Ideally, clear expectations guide our choices and actions. When we do what is expected of us, it reduces conflict and usually makes everyone happier. We get a pat on the back, the boss’s life is made easier and we get to feel like we are on the same page. How come we don’t do that as parents or in our close relationships? How come most parents don’t explicitly tell us what is expected so there are no m

We have friends who are “finding themselves” with a new husband/ wife, new cars, going on backpacking trips or even pilgrimages in order to discover “who I really am”. Others are “finding themselves” in a bottle or by over-indulging at work. We talk about fining ourself as if it is out there, waiting to be discovered like a treasure on a map. That is like saying I am going to find my nose in Fiji, or my new wife will help me find my nose, or I will find it by going on this tr

We have a 12 yo, and we were just talking about consent with him and came across this great video that talks about consenting for sex using the metaphor of making a cup of tea.  It is truly a great quick video- well worth the watch (see below). Warning:  there are a couple of swears at the beginning, still well worth it! It also got me thinking though, how the same concept also applies to relationships. In addition to thinking of it as a metaphor for sex, it is also about adv

Have you ever wondered why it can be such a BIG issue? WORK (paid or not) provides us with: A sense of SAFETY (financial and physical), especially when it is paid work because without money we can’t have food or shelter. It allows us to maintain the standard of living we and our families are accustomed to. For many financial safety also means physical safety. Here in Canada we are fortunate to have good public access to health care. However, our health care system pays for th

Have you ever had that kind of relationship with something? Someone? You really LOVE one part of them and DESPISE the other. Perhaps it is that you hate being overweight, but you LOVE the comfort and taste of food. Maybe it is that you really LOVE your partner, but can’t reconcile staying when they keep cheating, or intimidating you. For some it is loving the momentary calm that comes from avoidance when we drink or smoke a joint, but hating the consequences. How have YOU han

Our experiences shape WHO we are, and we learn who we are by taking a moment to reflect on our experiences, what we want to stand for, who we want to be in the face of challenges and joys. This allows us to then share who we are with others and interact authentically with our healthy tribe. Reflection also allows us to derive meaning and purpose from our experiences and clarifies our values. Since there is so much positive that comes from reflection, it makes sense to take th

Consider how your life may have been different had you chosen differently. For most people, the stories we form about ourselves based on these defining moments, actually change the direction of our lives. The obstacles become how we get to know ourselves, and the opportunity for us to live our values. Let me give you an example… Eager applicants were typically told to write once “for practice”,  and to write it “for real” later in the year. So that’s what I did. At the age of

Inevitably, the positive face triggered positive thoughts and emotions and not surprisingly, the negative one did the opposite. Then we would talk about how BOTH faces are ALWAYS there, but our experience of any given moment depends on WHERE WE SHINE THE LIGHT. The same is true for adults.  On any given day, there will inevitably be positives and  negatives, but which we choose to focus on completely changes our experience! This isn’t to say that we should ignore the negative