Empathy is one of the important pieces of forming emotionally safe and positive relationships. It is a way we feel and can help someone else feel SEEN, HEARD and UNDERSTOOD (like they matter). Empathy is feeling WITH someone in order to connect with them. This means we have to be willing to connect to times in our lives when we have felt similarly, even if those times were painful. It is also a two way street, it requires vulnerability and sharing as well as being there with

This great TED talk focuses on how early life nurturing actually changes the expression of our genes, of our DNA. There are two layers to our genes, the older, harder to change layer, and the epigenetic layer, that is impacted by our life experiences and our choices. This means that who we choose to spend time with, how often we prioritize exercise, how we talk to ourselves and what we choose to focus our thoughts on (scary vs positive) actually changes how our body operates

This is the kind of tribe we want to surround ourselves with, friends and family who remind us of all of these things and encourage us to do it for ourselves. Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) Click to print (Opens in new window) #affirmations #father

I was at a conference late this week and had the good fortune to speak about relationships and attachment with other clinicians. It was quite impressive because there were thousands of clinical (and just life experience) hours in the room. The attendees were  from all over the world, ranging from Australia, Italy, the UK, to local folks from other parts of Canada or from the US. Here are the  top 2 gems from my time with these wonderful people… Up to the age of 7 yo, it is ou

These questions come from just about everyone when we first meet, but especially when they haven’t had any “major  traumas” in their lives. It is as if they feel they don’t even deserve to be upset. They get even more upset, because they aren’t supposed to be. People will tell me about how their parents did their best and tried to motivate them and gave them opportunities, so what is their problem? Let’s look at the sneaky ways survival maps are created through this 15 min vi

Bosses give us job descriptions in part so we know what is expected of us. Ideally, clear expectations guide our choices and actions. When we do what is expected of us, it reduces conflict and usually makes everyone happier. We get a pat on the back, the boss’s life is made easier and we get to feel like we are on the same page. How come we don’t do that as parents or in our close relationships? How come most parents don’t explicitly tell us what is expected so there are no m

You decide… I was working with a young woman in her 40’s a while ago, Samantha. She was conceived around the time her mother had an affair. Samatha was found to be her biological father’s on paternity testing, but her conception and birth were surrounded by marital problems and strain in the family. Her parents decided to work things out, and were largely emotionally unavailable over the many years it took to do so. Pam, her older sister, who was about 4 yo at the time, blame

Have you ever heard “Do as I say, not as I do.” Well, as a parent and as a professional I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t work! And, it is important. “Son, for the thousandth time, please put your dishes in the dishwasher and NOT on the counter! Did you even look to see if the dishwasher was full or not??” “Sorry, Dad,” my son said rather furtively, and he quickly got up and dealt with the offending cutlery, cup, and dishes. Does this situation sound remotely familiar to any