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  • Writer's pictureRyan Wilson

Managing mixed feelings

We can learn a lot from children who feel safe, because they intuitively do what we seem biologically programmed to do in order to be well and thrive.

Many of us feel guilty when something good happens for us in front of someone who has less. We take away our permission to be happy and proud for what we think is the sake of the other people. All that does is send the message to us that we matter less than others and sends the message to the other person that we think they are too emotionally fragile to handle us being happy about our bit when they are unhappy about theirs. It is actually pretty disrespectful.

I am not saying to gloat or throw it in anyone’s face, I am saying there are ways to honour where we are and where others are,  without compromising ourselves or disrespecting them. 

Watch this 1min beautiful video, where the Barcelona youth soccer team show incredible intuition allowing them to own their own success while also being empathic and supportive of the defeated team.

These kids manage their mixed feelings beautifully. They are able to be compassionate towards their opponents without needing to take away their own excitement from their victory. Everyone gets to be supported where they are at, including themselves.

We get to do this when our underlying assumption is that:

  1. We matter and they matter

  2. We are capable of handling adversity and so are they

Ask yourself what your underlying beliefs are about your ability to handle adversity?

What are your beliefs about how able others close to you or strangers are of handling adversity?

Adjust course as needed.

It is best to get comfortable with mixed feelings, because we have A LOT of them through our lifetime! So we may as well learn how to make the best of them and use them for growth.

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