BLOG | ILM

Jun 6, 2018
2 min

Why am I surrounded by Jerks?!? Social currency

“I am surrounded by people telling me I don’t matter- they can’t all be wrong!” We have talked in the past about the importance of Tribe and how the people we surround ourselves with can make us or break us, so to speak. (See The 5 Things We Need to Be Well- The STAMP Wellness model for more information on this). So how do we end up surrounded by people sending us the message that we don’t matter? Social Currency Imagine we go to a foreign country and the only currency we hav

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Ryan Wilson

May 16, 2018
1 min

Let’s talk about Sex and Arousal

Sex is very common, yet most people don’t actually understand arousal and this impacts our own experience of sex and desire as well as our relationships. Watch this 15 min TED talk to better understand this important topic that affects most of us, yet is so rarely talked about. See you next time, and as always, we would love to hear from you! Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on LinkedIn

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Understanding mixed feelings in relationships

Ryan Wilson

Apr 4, 2018
4 min

Understanding mixed feelings in relationships

Any relationship we invest in will bring up mixed feelings. The more we invest, the more vulnerable to hurt and disappointment we become and the more likely anger will come up when people fall short of our expectations and how we think things should be. One common response to these mixed feelings is to try to ignore the “bad feelings” that come up and only focus on the good part. In order to do that, we have to distract and avoid. Unfortunately, we aren’t very good at hiding

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Ryan Wilson

Feb 21, 2018
1 min

How to have good relationships

Empathy is one of the important pieces of forming emotionally safe and positive relationships. It is a way we feel and can help someone else feel SEEN, HEARD and UNDERSTOOD (like they matter). Empathy is feeling WITH someone in order to connect with them. This means we have to be willing to connect to times in our lives when we have felt similarly, even if those times were painful. It is also a two way street, it requires vulnerability and sharing as well as being there with

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Ryan Wilson

Apr 26, 2017
2 min

Have you practiced today?

Have you practiced today? How well do you think you would do at playing an instrument you have never played before on your very first try? What about after 10 hrs of practice? What about after 100 hrs of practice? What about after a 1000 hrs of practice? Now consider that instead of a musical instrument, you are training for a marathon- how well would you do with 10, 100, 1000 hrs of practice? Most people intuitively know that we would likely be pretty shaky at first, especia

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Ryan Wilson

Apr 19, 2017
4 min

And through it all I matter

Before I even open my eyes I am aware of the warmth of my blankets and the sweet bundle of fur pressed against the back of my legs. I breathe in; the silence is comforting. I pry my fur baby from his chosen spot to mine and nestle in for some morning snuggles, enjoying his familiar scent as I rest my cheek on top of his head. I savour these moments, these good feelings, mindful of a time when at first breath it was trepidation, rather than contentment that filled my lungs. Si

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Ryan Wilson

Apr 12, 2017
3 min

Outgrowing friendships

When I was little I loved watching cartoons and cuddling with my stuffed animals with one of my childhood friends. I don’t do that anymore. I haven’t for years. Does that make me a bad person? I don’t even see that friend anymore. They developed different interests and values over time and we drifted apart. Does that make me a bad person? As we evolve and learn, what we like vs don’t like changes over time. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that our relationships change over

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Turn down the music. Let the feedback ROAR.

Ryan Wilson

Apr 8, 2017
5 min

Turn down the music. Let the feedback ROAR.

by Heather Crosby Gionet (Information on upcoming Awesome Life Retreat 2.0 below!) Feedback. You know, that awful noise that comes out of the speaker when the mic is in the wrong place. That’s the good stuff. Let me tell you, you want to learn to LOVE the sound of feedback. Ok, so maybe not that kind of feedback, I am not sure that anyone loves that sound, and would be really surprised if they did! However the feedback I am talking about is our body/mind/soul’s similar way of

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Ryan Wilson

Mar 22, 2017
1 min

Are you a giver or a taker?

We all know which answer we want to have, but watch this funny 13 min talk to find out! So how did you do? What can we do for each other to make this world a better place? Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) Click to print (Opens in new window) #TED #wor

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Ryan Wilson

Mar 8, 2017
1 min

Are you willing to face your issues?

Remember that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over and expect a different outcome. After all, we can’t use the same thinking that got us into a problem to get us out of it. This is a great talk about Willingness. Willingness to face our struggles. It is set in the context of PTSD and the military, but it extends to all of us. So ask yourself, how much do you WANT to be well? Are you WILLING to face the difficult thoughts, emotions, sensations or m

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Ryan Wilson

Feb 8, 2017
2 min

Managing mixed feelings

Many of us feel guilty when something good happens for us in front of someone who has less. We take away our permission to be happy and proud for what we think is the sake of the other people. All that does is send the message to us that we matter less than others and sends the message to the other person that we think they are too emotionally fragile to handle us being happy about our bit when they are unhappy about theirs. It is actually pretty disrespectful. I am not sayin

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Ryan Wilson

Feb 1, 2017
2 min

Finding your calling- 1, 2, 3!

Finding our calling or our purpose is like giving the perfect gift. We are so full of anticipation and excitement that we can barely contain ourselves, and when they open it and we get to see their response we get as much or more out of it! When we identify our gifts and act on them, it is like giving the perfect gift every day. When we don’t, it is like having all of that excited energy trapped inside of us with no where to go. It quickly turns from excitement to agitation,

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Ryan Wilson

Jan 18, 2017
2 min

8 signs relationships won’t last

These days kids can divorce their parents, and many people describe the loss of life long friendships as a divorce. They describe a division of assets right down to who gets to keep which friends. Wouldn’t it be great to hear from Divorce experts what they see as a the tell-tale signs that a relationship won’t make it? Guess what! We can…and with some courage, we may even be able to intervene! http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/8-signs-a-marriage-wont-last-according-to-divor

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Do you have enough time for what you want?

Ryan Wilson

Dec 24, 2016
1 min

Do you have enough time for what you want?

Most of us feel strapped for time, and yet when we get more we fill it with more things to do’s that tend not to be particularly recharging and just end up feeling like we are on a hamster wheel. How do we get enough time to do the things that actually matter to us in our lives? Watch this interesting 12 min TED talk for some insights on how to do just that! Who knows, it may completely change how your next year goes! The take home message is : Schedule your life like your li

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Ryan Wilson

Dec 14, 2016
1 min

Sometimes it is helpful to remember…

With the hustle and bustle of the holiday season upon us, it is sometimes helpful to remember… Remember to focus on what will make you feel stronger/ weaker in the long run and CHOOSE to act according to your values! Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) C

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How to recognize unhealthy relationships

Ryan Wilson

Dec 3, 2016
1 min

How to recognize unhealthy relationships

http://wp.me/p3P3KS-11H Share this: Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window) Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window) Click to email this to a friend (Opens in new window) Click to print (Opens in new window) #health #physicalsafety #relationships #emotionalsafety #safety

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Ryan Wilson

Dec 3, 2016
2 min

How to recognize unhealthy relationships?

Physical abuse is pretty concrete, so it is easier to understand, but emotional abuse has many nuances. Here is an example of emotional abuse. Notice your reaction to this short video (4 min) and if you want to take your insight to the next level, answer the questions below. Take a moment to reflect on what your own template for what “love” and intimate or close relationships looked like and how this may have shaped or influenced the relationships in your own life. Here is an

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Ryan Wilson

Nov 26, 2016
3 min

Relationships

Think of a time you felt connected to someone, you had that “they totally get me” moment…even just remembering that is often enough to trigger the relaxation response again. Now think of a time you were around someone you didn’t trust, someone who was unpredictable or who has been dismissive or disrespectful in the past. If you are like most people, your body tenses up and you get a bit agitated just at the thought of them. If even just the memory of being around certain peop

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Ryan Wilson

Nov 5, 2016
5 min

When is enough…enough?

We default to the familiar and associate it with safety (even when logically it is not actually safe) We don’t leave our familiar safety net unless things get REALLY bad and it becomes virtually impossible for us to keep pretending it is ok We passively wait for change, especially if our initial attempts at active problem solving were not successful In my experience both personally and professionally, that old saying about staying with the devil you know is true. We have all

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Ryan Wilson

Oct 15, 2016
5 min

How many friends do we need?

Some people have 1-2 close friends, others have many, and others still have many acquaintances but no one they feel really close with. Others of us will just have a partner (boyfriend/ girlfriend/ husband/ wife) and expect them to meet all of our needs. So what is the “right” way of doing things? How many friends/ connections do we really need? As with most things, the answer is not quite that simple. Here are some questions to help us along. Who do you feel most comfortable

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